the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
