On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
