There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
