i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
