im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
