No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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