Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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