shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
