i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
