Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
