i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
