I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
