I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
