A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
