new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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