Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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