she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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