I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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