I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just pee around me
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
