He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
