Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
