i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I would ride that face into the sunset
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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