after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
