nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
