brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
