Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
