Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
