Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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