i barfeds in our rink
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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