I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i will never coherently bang her
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
