haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Can I color on your dick again?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
