Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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