I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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