I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
