Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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