Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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