Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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