My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize