I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
