um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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