WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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