guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
