porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
