I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
