meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
