Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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