butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
