Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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