You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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