pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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