this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
