im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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