in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
