Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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