She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
