I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
