My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
