Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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