You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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