so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
