Umm I'm too high to move.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize