I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
