the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize