I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
