What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
