Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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