angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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