we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
