I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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